Thursday, July 29, 2010

Drunken Pet Selection: FAIL

On my 21st birthday, my best friend Allie helped me celebrate. Well, by 'celebrate' I mean she followed me through the streets of our college town and made sure I didn't get arrested.

By the time she convinced me to go home, I certainly wasn't ready to call it a night... I mean, it was only like 1 pm in the afternoon...

So I convinced her to let me hang out in our backyard for the afternoon and continue celebrating the big 2-1. While I wondered aimlessly around the perimeter of our fenced in back yard and Allie watched from the patio to make sure I didn't escape, I stumbled upon a little furry creature's tail sticking out of a discarded doughnut bag on the ground.
I was... amazed...
Suddenly, I had a fantastic idea!

I tenderly picked up the little squirrel... never did it cross my vodka-soaked little mind that it was odd a wild squirrel was letting me pick it up. I was mother-fecking SNOW WHITE, BITCHES!

This is the squirrel I remember.
This is the actual (flea-bitten, smelly, sick little) squirrel that Allie remembers.
I may not have the clearest memory of that afternoon but I do know one thing for sure... that little rabid squirrel and I.. our spirits bonded.


  1. Sad that the photographic evidence of that rabid doughnut covered squirrel has disappeared.

  2. What happened next?? Did he live in your house and eat your nuts?