Monday, June 28, 2010

The Shortest Date Ever (No Pun Intended)

This is a story about a young girl-brained moron, out there trying to find true love. The heroine of this story was no stranger to Man eBay and had quickly learned the ups and downs of meeting men online... yet, she was always still hopeful.

Sure, she came across a few frogs along the way...

Yet, still, days she would spend, clicking away on the various nudges, ice breakers and poorly-edited emails that would come her way from the darkest pits of the online dating jungle.

Finally, one day a young man struck her fancy. He was smart, liked kids, had a good job and looked pretty smokin' in his head shots. They shared emails, then texts and then the first big phone call.She was sure, in her little girl-brained mind that this was MEANT TO BE.

She quickly got to work, preparing for the date.

When the night of the date came around, she sat nervously, waiting for the knock on her door.

She gathered all her courage, adjusted her cleavage and went to open the door for the their first face to face. Would it be love at first sight??? She took a deep breath and reached to pull open the door... And there he was...
All 5'2" of him.

Remembering her manners and that any free meal is one less she doesn't have to pay for herself, she walked out to the street where he had parked his car. His eyes gleamed as he opened the door for her and began telling her about the classic 1954 Mustang he owned and completely rebuilt all on his own. He explained he'd been working on the car for about 5 years with his father and had only driven it on the street twice before tonight.
The girl cared nothing about cars but could tell this was something special to him.
As he climbed with his little legs into the drivers seat of the car, she fought back an outward cringe as tiny hand slipped onto her leg. Her nails dug into the worn leather of the front seat as she tried to focus on tall things: basketball players, trees, giraffes...
Suddenly: CRUNCH.
After quickly assessing that no one was bleeding or missing any miniature limbs, she climbed out of the car and looked down on the wee lad and his t-boned car. Realizing that his misfortune was her treasure, she quickly called her roommate, who was simply 2 miles away in their apartment, and quickly offered her condolences, threw in a 'call me' and made a quick exit.
The next day, the girl thought about the little man and his crunchy car. Poor guy. She supposed the only thing that would make him feel any better would be if she agreed to a mercy date. Perhaps some time with this glamazon could make him temporarily forget his woes.
So she waited for the phone to ring with him calling to ask her back out.
And waited.
And waited.

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